personal growth

The Most Difficult Business Decision I Made in 2020

2020. What can I say?

My word for the year was TRUST, and good gracious, that was certainly put to the test.

There has been so much fear, anxiety, heartbreak, and unknown over the past 12 months, and though we are more well-informed today and a vaccine has arrived, we still don’t know what the long-term ramifications will be.

At times it feels like a constant free fall, doesn’t it?

Yet, we each also found some bright spots. There were signs of hope all around us—if we dared to look for them.

People working together.
Kindness being shown.
Justice taking hold.
Smiles behind the masks.

But I have to admit, I found myself struggling on a lot of days. From forced isolation to losing clients to my own chronic health issues to, you know, general pandemic junk like wiping down my groceries for months, I went through a lot of dilemmas last year.

However, there was one decision in particular that changed the course of my business and life.

The Most Difficult Business Decision I Made in 2020

Let me take you through a general timeline of 2020 from my perspective.

January

Remember when we all started 2020 with hope and fresh eyes? So many business plans and capital campaigns were built around the start of this new decade.

Themes were created.
Events were planned.
Anticipation was all around us.

I was right there with you. I had made progress in my business and health the previous year, but 2020 was going to be my best year yet! In fact, that sentiment is what I kept writing over and over in my planner: 2020 is my year!

And then . . .

March

It’s like our calendar re-started, isn’t it? Everything is “before the pandemic” or after.

As someone with chronic health issues for almost nine years now, I was safely tucked away in my apartment. Honestly, things weren’t much different. I already lived alone, as a solopreneur, I worked alone.

So, other than having to move a few of my meetings online and my amazing friend delivering my groceries to me, my routine didn’t change all that much. I actually thought I was kind of built for this, and as long as I was careful, I’d be fine.

BUT around this time I also started feeling bad. Not COVID bad, but I knew I had another kidney infection. They weren’t new to me, sadly. This one, though, wouldn’t go away.

Remember: I’m also running my own business during this time.

Not only did I have to work while dealing with this issue (which was super hard), but the world was just learning about what the pandemic could mean for us—and freaking out as a result.

During March I lost most of my clients, at least for the short-term.

The projects I’d mostly been working on in January and February were travel-related or for nonprofits . . . so, yeah. Gone. And even those that were in the works got put on hold, sometimes indefinitely.

Though I’ve been there before, I was truly looking into the future and unsure where money was going to come from. Frankly, it was scary, and you probably know at least some of how I felt from your own experience.


April - May

Over these two months, I had to rebuild my client base, keep in contact with past clients that might have future projects, and of course, stay inside.

Oh, and I still had the kidney infection.

I’ve never had one this bad. I went through four rounds of antibiotics, got treatment from both of my naturopaths, tried tons of homeopathic remedies, and slept a lot. It just wouldn’t go away!

(Side note: Having a kidney infection during a TP scarcity is not recommended. :)

I was extremely grateful to have work, but struggling to get it done because I just felt bad all the time.

My anxiety was also growing—and my hair was falling out from the illness and stress!

It was time to do something that I really didn’t want to do: see a specialist.

June - July

Two things were working in my favor at this point. First, my biggest client was actually having a great year because of the industry they’re in. So, that meant more work for me, yay! Second, I had a new retainer client that would be steady work for at least the rest of the year.

To be honest, I prefer project work to retainer work. But I’ll be the first to admit that I needed the stability these two clients gave me, both for my business and for my health.

At the same time, I was seeing more doctors and getting tests because they didn’t really know what was wrong with me. An x-ray, ultrasound, CT scan, blood work, and more. It wasn’t just a hassle, it was getting expensive! I didn’t have great insurance as an entrepreneur, and I was certainly paying for it.

Additionally, I’d formally started implementing my self-care plan: weekly trips to the Starbucks drive-thru! (And episodes of The West Wing Weekly.) With social distancing and oodles of Zoom calls, my baristas and a Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte were a welcome sight to my routine.

August would also bring a couple of big turning points.

August

Still not knowing what was wrong with me, I had a procedure done to help the docs suss it out. Guess what? They still didn’t know. I got yet another, “If it gets worse, let us know.”

I’d actually started feeling better since July, though. That was a good sign, but I was growing more frustrated by paying doctor fees and getting no answers, my anxiety was getting out of control, and my hair had gotten pretty thin.

I was not okay.

I was at a crossroads, and it was time to make my most difficult business decision yet:

I decided to get a “regular” job.

Oh, and I went on anti-anxiety meds. I needed a clearer and calmer mind to work, sleep, and live life. That was a very good decision, and I hope to go back off of them very soon.

Besides needing better benefits and additional stability, I also have to admit that the forced isolation was getting to me. Like I said, I was primarily by myself a lot anyway, and it actually doesn’t bother me. It is very rare that I feel lonely. But having the decision taken away from me was difficult. As was not traveling, which is really important to me.

For my mental health, I also knew I would benefit from working with a team again. It would be nice to have the support and regularly work with people toward a common cause. Even I couldn’t deny that additional benefit.

Let me also stop and clarify two things before moving on. First, I had no intention to close Signify. My mission, work, and clients matter a great deal to me and I wanted to continue growing my business in some way. I still know how much it’s needed, and I would find a way to continue.

Second, there was a lot of ugly crying involved. For my fellow entrepreneurs out there, you know what I gut-wrenching decision this was.

I felt like a failure.
Like I couldn’t hack it as a business owner.
Like I wasn’t fit to be an entrepreneur.

Now, I know that isn’t true. Part of this was my perfectionism talking and part of it was the anxiety. But it felt horrible and very, very real.

But I pressed forward and did what I need to do: I started looking for a job.

September - October

My body had healed itself by this time. I still don’t know what was wrong, and am praying it doesn’t come back.

But the financial damage was done at this point, and reinforced my decision to find a job. Between all the different healing avenues I’d taken, I’m guessing the costs totaled about $10,000. And, as a reminder, I’d been dealing with chronic health issues for almost nine years, so this was just additional debt to stress me out.

So, during the fall I networked, applied for a couple of jobs, had a promising interview, and continued my client work. However, the meds had kicked in at this point, so at least I felt more clear-headed, which was a huge blessing.

Oh, and of course, a vaccine was just around the corner!


November: THE BIG CHANGE

The first person I reached out to about a job had been a client for about a year, Vector Global Logistics. The founder, Enrique Alvarez, and I got along swimmingly. We had very similar business philosophies and believed in the power of business for social impact.

We were always trying to find ways to work together, and I thought this might be the next step. Luckily, he thought so, too.

It took us a while to work out the details, but I officially started working part-time for them—with benefits—in November!

I’m happy to announce that I’m the VP of Sales and Marketing for Vector Global Logistics.

Basically, Vector gets the products people care about from Point A to Point B. They provide commercial shipping and logistics services. So, they don’t ship you the new shoes you bought off of Amazon, but they do ship the containers of shoes just like them that came from far off places. Well, they do a lot more, but that’s the gist.

Plus, the reason they exist is to change the world. Because the supply chain affects so many aspects of our lives, they see it as a terrific opportunity to do good. They love giving back and do it every chance they get. Obviously, I can get behind that.

And this still allows me to work part-time on Signify as well. I’m deeply grateful, and have really enjoyed working with them over the past two months. They are an incredible and talented team, and I have to admit, it is nice to be working with a team again!

(I will take a moment to give a huge shout-out to all my previous interns, though, who have really helped shape Signify over the past few years. Plus, they have been a blast to work with!)


December

The most difficult aspect of joining the Vector team has been figuring out how to juggle my new responsibilities with my client work while still growing Signify. (And writing content like this!)

I’m a pretty organized person, but I’m definitely still figuring things out. I imagine it’ll be months of working through this process.

I love starting and building things, though, so working with Vector is a really fun and unique opportunity. It is an amazing company.

I’m excited for the future of what we can do together, and how it will effect Signify (and vice versa.) They are very supportive of my work for both companies, and I’ve got big ideas for both!

Overall, the end of 2020 worked out pretty well for me. It was certainly rough at times, but I clung to my word of the year, TRUST, and came through okay.

The Moral of My Story

Here’s the paradox of 2020 for me: I actually made more money than in any other year, whether as an entrepreneur or a full-time employee. But with the stress of the year, my ongoing (and new) health issues, the new debt, the forced isolation, and another uncertain year ahead, I decided to get a job.

Weird—the watchword of 2020.

I tell you my story not just to say “woe is me” or get your sympathy. I’m sharing what happened to me because it’s probably not all that uncommon and I wanted you to know that you’re not alone.

As the founder or leader of a nonprofit or social impact company, you’re always in a battle for better.

You want to do good and by working on behalf of a cause, you’re always sacrificing something of yourself. It could be your time, money, resources, or any number of things. It’s not easy, but you know it’s worth it. I do, too.

While I strive to be a genuine and authentic person, I admit that I’m not always an open book. I do keep things close to my chest because that’s just the way I operate and internally process. But I wanted to share my difficult decision with you because I know you get it.

You may not have been in the same situation as me, but you know how hard it is to run an organization and what you might have to do or give up as a result, both personally and professionally, to see your mission move forward.

Let me remind you, though, just like in 2020—and just like in your work—there are always bright spots in dark times.

How to Find the Right Social Impact Job for You

There are lots of websites, blogs, podcasts, and more that tell you how to find a great job you’ll love. But let me share two pieces of advice that really helped me last year.

  • Create a great network. When you find yourself with some sort of need, you need a great network to turn to. Cultivate relationships with lots of amazing people, in life and in work. Be generous with your time and resources because it’s the right thing to do, but also because those wonderful people will return the favor. When I was looking for a job, I wasn’t doing it in a vacuum. There were a few amazing friends and peers who were looking out for me, too.

  • Make a list of what you want. I didn’t want just any job. I knew exactly what I was looking for and I went in search of it. I made a list of all the tangibles and intangibles that wouldn’t just give me a paycheck, but a career, and some place I could really contribute to. Near the very tippy top of that list was a strong culture. I wanted to go somewhere that I would feel encouraged and supported, and everyone else felt the same. Vector checks almost every box on my list (and it’s a long list!). Of course, I’d also had the privilege of working with them for a year, so I knew they walked the walk. I was fortunate in that way, but a good network will also know other good people, so that reinforces the first point as well.

So, there you go! That’s my story of 2020. Now you know the most difficult decision I had to make last year—and know that I’m here for you in your difficult decisions as well.



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My word for the year was TRUST, and good gracious, that certainly got put to the test. I have to admit, I found myself struggling on a lot of days. From forced isolation to losing clients to my own chronic health issues to general pandemic junk, I w…

Kristi Porter, founder of Signify

I’m Kristi Porter, and I help cause-focused organizations understand and execute effective marketing campaigns so they can move from stressed to strategic. Your resources may be limited, but your potential isn’t. Whether you’re a nonprofit, social enterprise, or small business who wants to give back, I’ll show you how to have a bigger impact.


Women: Steer Your Career and Get Where You Want to Go

Today’s post is from our friend, Gloria Martinez, of Women Led, which aims to celebrate women’s achievements in the workplace and is dedicated to increasing the number of women-led corporations, organizations, and small businesses by educating others about women-led achievements.

We’d all love to see more of that, wouldn’t we? If you’re a woman who wants to take a more intentional approach to your career, listen up! Gloria will provide you with practical tips to steer your career and get where you want to go.

Photo by Christina Morillo from Pexels

Do you remember when you were a kid and someone asked what you wanted to be when you grew up? Maybe you said something practical like a teacher or nurse, or maybe you said something outlandish like being a lion tamer. Whatever our dreams are, it’s all too common for women to lose sight of those goals somewhere along the way, or else struggle to make them happen.

This is an unfortunate reality of being a woman in the workplace, and it’s just as common in the nonprofit and social enterprise sectors. But when you know you’ll face barriers, you can either head for the hills and run . . . or find practical strategies to break them down!

Never Stop Learning

The folks at Signify know how important it is to outsource skills that are outside your realm of knowledge. That’s why so many nonprofits and socially driven companies hire them for their copywriting and marketing expertise. At the same time, it’s just as important to recognize when you may be lacking skills or knowledge that would help your career move forward.

Even as you have to fill several roles at once, it’s unreasonable to expect yourself to be an expert at everything. Instead, continue gaining skills that will serve you the most. If you find that you want to branch out into a new arena, you may need a degree to get where you want to be. Alternatively, if you simply want to advance the skills you already have, enrolling in an online university is a great option for busy women who are also working. And for a crash course in a specific topic, take a look at LinkedIn Learning and HubSpot Academy.

Lastly, always look for opportunities to continue growing your skills, including both hard and soft skills. Take any chance you get to attend seminars, take online master classes, and read current blogs and books that are relevant in your field.

Listen and Lead

Learning happens in everyday life too, but that doesn’t mean that learning opportunities will simply fall in your lap. If you don’t already have a mentor, seek out a person who has the skills and experience you want to acquire. This may be a leader you work with, or the perfect mentor could be someone outside of your organization.

We all need mentors, whether you’re already in a leadership position or that’s something you aspire to. That’s because the best leaders are those who are willing to admit that they don’t know everything—but are always open to learning. As the website Diversity Woman suggests, one of the best ways to gain more experience, and ultimately learn what you need to move forward, is to ask for more responsibility.

Own Your Ambition

Too many women in the workforce have internalized the idea that we’re supposed to be humble. Sure, we all have to acknowledge what we don’t know, or else we’d never grow. But being humble becomes a problem when it turns into self-doubt.

That’s why Business Insider tells us how important it is to own our ambition. Do you have big hopes and dreams? Great! Now own them and your ambition to achieve them. Just as we have to listen and learn to be good leaders, we also have to acknowledge our accomplishments, talents, and strengths.

Ask for What You Want

A similar issue is when women fail to prioritize their needs in the workplace. This is especially common in nonprofit and social impact sectors where we’re often so focused on the mission that we shy away from addressing our own needs. As one nonprofit leader tells Forbes, one way to avoid this mistake is to know what’s negotiable. Whether we’re talking about salary, schedule, or anything else you need to reach your goals and avoid burnout, don’t assume that negotiating is off limits.

Burnout is a very real risk to professional like you, and it has more causes than you may think. If you feel stuck in your career or overwhelmed by barriers, you may be headed for burnout. The good news is that you can always turn this situation around—you just need the know-how and the courage to make it happen!


Gloria Martinez loves sharing her business expertise and hopes to inspire other women to start their own businesses and seek promotions in the workplace. Her brainchild, Women Led, is an avenue for her vision to help women advance in the workplace and celebrate their achievements. 



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4 Practical Tips for Women to Steer Your Career and Get Where You Want to Go

Kristi Porter, founder of Signify

I’m Kristi Porter, and I help cause-focused organizations understand and execute effective marketing campaigns so they can move from stressed to strategic. Your resources may be limited, but your potential isn’t. Whether you’re a nonprofit, social enterprise, or small business who wants to give back, I’ll show you how to have a bigger impact.


How To Overcome Scarcity Mindset As A Social Impact Leader

The last time Daron Dickens appeared on this blog, it was to talk about how to make self-care regular and intentional. Today, I’m calling on his expertise as a marriage and family counselor to talk to us (me included!) about how to overcome scarcity mindset as a social impact leader.

I was chatting with a friend the other day about the fact that entrepreneurship, and leadership in general, magnifies our strengths and weaknesses, confidence and insecurities, gifts and shortcomings. It can be the highest of highs and lowest of lows. And it’s hard enough for an individual, but then throw a team into the mix, and you’ve got a constant mirror for self-reflection.

And here’s the reality: Your scarcity mindset affects your social impact.

There’s a direct correlation because our organizations reflect us as leaders.

Hopefully, you’re constantly trying to improve yourself as you improve your nonprofit, social enterprise, or small business. That includes sharpening your skills and your thinking patterns. As you evolve, so does your organization.

So, if you also struggle with a scarcity mindset, but strive for a growth mindset, I think you can learn something from Daron’s advice. I know you probably feel like there’s never enough time, money, and resources, but if that’s where you focus your thinking, that may always be the case.

There are already enough challenges in your work. Don’t let your mindset be one of them.

How To Overcome Scarcity Mindset As A Social Impact Leader

What is a Scarcity Mindset?

“Only two left.”

“Act now—supplies are limited!”

“You don’t want to miss out! This opportunity won’t last long.”

These are just a few common messages we hear every day in the world of sales; a world that is perfectly designed to elicit thoughts and feelings of scarcity.

Scarcity is the idea that there’s a limited amount of resources. If we don’t act quickly, we will be on the outside looking in, unable to access valuable resources, money, deals, or opportunities.

In short, we will miss out.

These are a few common (and sometimes silly) examples, but they can still cause us to have real feelings of anxiety. They can cause us to spend money that we don’t have, and buy things that we don’t need. If you’re like most people, you’ve experienced this sometime in your life—and have some object in your house as a reminder.

As harmless as these situations may often be, they are just small examples of a greater mindset that can cause a much larger struggle when it comes to trying to live a healthy, connected life. And isn’t that what we’re all striving for?

Forms of these messages can show up, not only at Walmart, Amazon, or on eBay, but in our politics, our global economy, our societal interactions, or even in our social impact organizations. Certainly in us as leaders.

The scarcity mindset can erode the very things that we hold so dear, and keep us from living out who we really are.

our brains in a Scarcity Mindset

The mindset of scarcity, or the feeling that there’s not enough, especially when it comes to resources, registers in the brain as a threat.

Often when our brain identifies a threat, we slide from the frontal lobe to the lizard brain. The frontal lobe is the area that allows us to problem solve, to access creativity, to connect relationally, and to see things from many different sides.

The lizard brain, as you probably know, is only concerned with eliminating the threat, usually through flight, fight, or freezing. Most of the time, this comes in the form of a ”us versus THEM” mentality.

Essentially, the lizard brain skews data and causes perception to overtake reality.

Meaning, it may have you thinking things that simply aren’t true. (But they feel true.)


Abundance and Scarcity: A Complicated Relationship

Here’s the truth; the reality of things, if you will: In the United States, we live in a time where abundance is at an all-time high.

We live in a time where you can buy almost anything you could ever imagine cheaply, and with a click of a button. If that weren’t enough, strolling through the aisles of your neighborhood megamart can satisfy almost any whim you might ever experience. Not only that, but the things that we have are bigger, faster, and more sophisticated than ever before.

So what’s the problem?

Why aren’t we satisfied? And worse, why do we seem to be struggling with accumulating more and more because we feel that we have less and less?

You can blame it on marketing, or the need to create a market for things that should last much longer in a quickly-changing technological society, or a political scheme to get people more malleable, or even an overarching alien conspiracy.

The truth is more complex, though. A mix of many things from many sources. We may never find out for sure, and we certainly don’t have control over a lot of these areas.

One thing we do have control over is what we do despite the messages.

When we give in to the scarcity mindset, we tend to become more suspicious, less likely to share the resources that we have, and more likely to live a life of discontent.

  • Being aware that this mindset doesn’t align with our reality can help.

  • Making decisions based on your values rather than the emotional reaction of these messages you hear every day will allow you to live out who you are.

  • Focusing less on where the messages are coming from, and more how to live according to your values regardless of the messages will, in turn, erode the credibility and effectiveness of the messages.

3 Tips for Beating the Scarcity Mindset as a Social Impact Leader

Here are a few helpful suggestions for living out your values rather than through the fear and anxiety of scarcity mindset.

1. Work from a realistic budget.

By using a budget you can see what you actually have and don’t have. You will be able to see what is coming in and out so that you don’t get caught up in fear and anxiety. Likewise, it will allow you to know what spending is frivolous and what spending is necessary.

Make a plan for how to scale and save when times are good, and how to cut back when times are tough. Having a plan also allows you to feel more in control, and having a budget allows you to deal with facts rather than feelings.

Also consider your money mindset. How do you feel about money? Is it good, bad, just a tool to continue your work? The thoughts, emotions, and “power” you give to money will show up in many ways, both personally and professionally, and if you don’t start building a better relationship with money, it will always seem beyond your control.

2. Work with other nonprofits and social enterprises in the same area you are serving.

Scarcity mentality will cause you to see them as the enemy. However, if you’re really working towards a common cause, they are your allies not your enemies. There shouldn’t be a market share on goodness.

Find ways to collaborate so that each of you plays to your strengths and continues to serve the community as a whole. You probably do it a little bit differently anyway, and those differences may complement one another more than you realize.

Just like there’s room for more than one Mexican restaurant in your town, there’s room for multiple people serving the same cause!

3. Generosity begets generosity.

In a world where giving or buying is essential for the survival of your nonprofit or social impact company, a scarcity mentality has no place. Generosity isn’t just for the people that you’re asking to support you, or for the people you support, but also in the way you live out your mission as a leader.

You’ll find that your work is more fulfilling, both as an individual and as a team, because you feel more aligned with your purpose. (And increased satisfaction is a remedy for burnout.) It’s also quite possible that those who benefit from your work will notice a difference, and that your reputation in the community may become more positive as well.

 

Live intentionally. Live with value. Be aware. Act according to who you are inside regardless of what is happening outside. Remember, we are always better together than we are in isolation.

From KP: If you’d like to continue learning, here are a two resources on scarcity mindset that I’ve come across recently:


Daron Dickens, Marriage and Family Therapist

Daron Dickens is a Marriage and Family Therapist who has practiced for 18 years. He also previously served as a pastor for 20 years. He lives in Clarksville, Tennessee, with his wife, Margaret, and his sons, Truman and Carter. He loves pie, reading, coffee, and everything baseball.

You can find him on:



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Leadership and entrepreneurship magnify both your strengths and weaknesses, so it’s important to learn how to overcome scarcity mindset as a social impact leader so that you can lead effectively and with purpose. Your nonprofit or social enterprise …

Kristi Porter, founder of Signify

I’m Kristi Porter, and I help cause-focused organizations understand and execute effective marketing campaigns so they can move from stressed to strategic. Your resources may be limited, but your potential isn’t. Whether you’re a nonprofit, social enterprise, or small business who wants to give back, I’ll show you how to have a bigger impact.


How To Lower Your Stress At Work

When I met Kelli Clay a few months ago at a conference and she said she helps people train their brains to stress less, I and everyone at our table sat up and said, “Yes, please!”

And after hearing her talk about her process over lunch, I knew she’d make a great guest blogger. As I’ve mentioned here before, I think there is a different kind of stress that results from social impact work. There’s all the “usual” stress that comes with running a business—or heck, even working at one—but the stakes are higher when you not only have your customers sand donors to think about, but those who benefit from your work as well. It can be a lot of pressure to juggle that triple bottom line.

If your chest got a little tighter at that thought, keep reading. Give Kelli’s exercise below a try and see if you can lower your stress at work to thrive in what you do.

How to Lower Your Stress at Work

Would you like to have a stress-free life?

When I ask this question during a presentation or workshop, everyone nods an emphatic yes. Today, I’d like to challenge that desire.

Benefits of Stress

Yes, you read that right. Stress has more to offer us than we might imagine.

First, stress saves lives. That is the purpose of the stress response in our bodies. If a rabid dog is chasing me, I want to be able to run fast, and if the dog catches me, I want my immune system to kick in, and my blood to clot so that I don’t bleed to death. The stress response provides those results.

“Okay,” you say, “but how often am I chased by a rabid dog? How is stress helpful in my everyday life?”

That question leads to the second benefit which is motivation. When I was teaching college classes I would ask my students, “Would you study this material if you didn’t have the stress of an exam looming?” Even my best students said they would not study without that motivator.

The third benefit is the energy that the stress response delivers. In addition to motivation, my students experienced a spike in energy that could be applied to learning when they felt tired.

Now you might say, “That is all well and good, but there is no way those benefits outweigh the detriments of stress, especially its impact on my health.” This is where the best news of all comes in: Recent research shows us that stress comes in different forms.

Different Types of Stress

In her book, The Upside of Stress, Kelly McGonigal writes about two different types of stress response: the “threat response” and the “challenge response.” Dr. McGonigal teaches us that when we perceive stress as a challenge instead of a threat, our bodies respond in a healthy fashion, similar to the way our bodies respond to exercise.

For example, in a threat response, our blood vessels become narrower, but in a challenge response they stay wide open, allowing lots of oxygen to reach cells for a boost in energy.

The key to moving our bodies from a threat response to a challenge response is to use our brains differently.

The more “primitive” parts of our brain (such as the limbic system) are wired to initiate the threat response to keep us safe. In order to initiate a challenge response, we have to use the parts of our brain more developed in humans (such as the prefrontal cortex). To do that, we need to change the way we perceive what is triggering the stress.

Consider the way a skillful athlete uses her stress response to improve her performance. Before she starts her tennis match you can see her breathing deeply, moving about, and focusing her mind. She is not thinking about how stressed she is. She is using the energy surging through her body by thinking about how she will rise to the challenge, hit the ball hard, and make the best shots.


Action Steps

We can use that same process in everyday life.

For example, when I am preparing for a presentation, I acknowledge that my body is having a stress response, but instead of fretting about being stressed I tell myself that my body is gearing up, and I am capable and can handle the challenge. I build on my past success and tell myself I’ve done this before with great results. Then, I tell myself that I am excited, and this will be fun. Last, I notice that excited feeling in my body.

My exact words may not work for you, so it is beneficial to come up with your own mantras to create a new perception.

Here are the steps I recommend to retrain your brain when it comes to stress:

  1. Acknowledge the response your body is having such as:

    1. the faster heart rate,

    2. the sweaty palms, or

    3. the butterflies in your belly.

  2. Reassure yourself that this is normal. Examples statements are:

    1. This is my primitive brain trying to protect me, but I’m not in danger.

    2. I am fine. This is just my body’s natural response to the challenge ahead.

  3. Encourage yourself. For example:

    1. Think about a success you’ve had and recognize that if you could do that, you can accomplish the task ahead of you.

    2. You might repeat something like, “I know I can handle this.”

  4. Choose a new positive, high-energy emotion such as:

    1. excited,

    2. enthusiastic, or

    3. thrilled.

  5. Invoke the new emotion you chose by:

    1. creating and repeating sentences that support the new emotion, or

    2. visualizing yourself responding to the situation with the new emotion.

  6. Notice your body’s response to the new emotion. If your heart is pumping fast now, it is because you are thrilled, not because you are scared.

Jack’s Success with the Challenge Response

I worked with a man in his mid-50’s that we will call Jack, whose company was being sold. He was a manager, had been with the company for 20 years, and his family depended on his salary. Jack was having trouble sleeping and he faced each day with a tight chest. He was concerned about his future and the future of his employees.

At first, Jack was skeptical. He thought this method was too simple and wouldn’t make a difference, but he agreed to try it. Every time he felt his heart racing and his chest getting tight, he would stop for a moment and notice those sensations in his body.

When he did, the symptoms decreased.

Then he reassured himself that his response was normal because he cared about what happened to his family and employees. He reviewed the problems he had overcome in his lifetime and decided he could handle this new situation.

Next, Jack decided he wanted to feel courageous and enthused for whatever came. To invoke those emotions, he stood up straighter and visualized himself walking into the office tall and strong. He repeated to himself, “The reason a company might want to buy us is because we made this company great. I have strong skills, and if we are bought, I will use those skills to support the new company, or possibly in a new position somewhere else.” He encouraged his employees in the same way.

A few weeks later, Jack was surprised to realize that he felt a calm excitement for whatever came next.

Jack’s situation has not changed. His company is still up for sale and he does not know what will happen, but he goes to work each day with enthusiasm and a sense of adventure.


You Can Do It

As simple as this sounds, it is not always easy. You have to practice it until you develop the new, neural pathways in your brain that make it easier, just like learning to ride a bike.

Don’t give up, thinking that this will never work.

There is solid science to back this exercise. Watch Kelly McGonigal’s TED talk to learn more. It has worked for me, my students, and clients—and I know it will work for you!

Instead of “stress-free,” embrace the challenge response and you can “stress less!”


Kelli Clay

Kelli Clay teaches people how to deal with stress through her signature program, "Train Your Brain to Stress Less and Thrive." It is more efficient and less time-consuming than traditional stress management, so if you need help managing the stress in your life, she offers a free telephone discovery session. And if you want quick, practical tips for stressing less, subscribe to her twice-a-month newsletter.

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